bonapartconsultingparis

Interview with Susie in Prissy Magazine

Congratulations Priscilla Lalisse. After months of hard work she has launched "Prissy Mag" with unique insights into everyday Parisian life. Priscilla interviewed me and it appeared in the first issue of Prissy Mag, an honour.

I noticed an emphasis on sex and relationships issues, great interviews and gossipy articles - plenty to tickle your fancy. A sample from the Agony Aunt, "Ask Madame":

"Dear Madame, I've been working for a large French company at La Defense for two months and I'm almost done with my trial period. Trouble is, I'm wildly attracted to my boss, who's French. Last week during a meeting when he casually touched my elbow, I could barely contain myself. Are office romances "allowed" in France, or should I stop fantasizing about my boss?
Signed,
Tempted at La Defense

I have no idea what I'd advise in this situation since I've never worked in a French office (thank God). Better read on........

Are entrepreneurs born or made?

There are 2 schools of thought: Any woman can start and run a successful profitable business if she really wants provided she put in the effort VERSUS she has to have a certain entrepreneurial, operational and managerial DNA otherwise she is wasting her time. Therefore should women be encouraged to start businesses, or should women demonstrate specific skills, abilities and knowledge before being encouraged to start a business? Do the quick quiz at Times Online to see if you have what it takes!

NB: I haven't calculated my score, there are no questions slanted towards starting a business three weeks after moving to a foreign country, with little capital and no real business plan. I'm in the anyone can do it camp. Some of the skills required would make the most battle hardened corporate queens crumble and no business plan can take account of the inevitable evolutionary cycles that occur so sticking to hard and fast rules can mean all that booklearnin' can just get in the way.

Je suis connu

I'll have to change my alias. Sometimes to save time I give my (semi) private email address at ivyparis.com instead of getting into a long protracted discussion with a real estate agent over the phone. Who I am, what's my status, do I want some of their commission, how do I charge, what do I charge, who is my client, how did they find me, where is the company based, is it a french company, where is my personal address, what is the apartment for, how old it the client, how will they pay etc. So I often don't really announce myself, to cut straight to the chase.

So I often don't really announce myself, to cut straight to the chase I just pretend I'm a simple enquiry. I learned in daily interaction and transaction here to use KISS (keep it simple stupid) because if you confuse people they immediately think you are up to no good and more often than not the barriers come down and you can't achieve anything. Not that I'm up to no good but that's the way everybody else operates so think of it almost as guilty until being proven innocent!

Phoning a completely random agent today I was busted. "C'est I V Y paris the property search, non?" he asked. "No it's an artist's collective" I replied, still reeling. Wouldn't you know, he must read one of the blogs. Still, what I love about the internet is anonymity . Great for undercover property search, competitor research and winding people up - cue crazy maniacal laugh.......
J'adore le subterfuge.

Dans le Metro

People are always asking me how I get around. I take the metro, bus or bike. It 's not possible sometimes to cycle if I am having to wear smart clothes and don't want to arrive "glowing".

The Metro is not so pleasant in the heat but the transport system in Paris is super efficient. Suffice to say, I know it like the back of my hand.

ISP Insanity

Most of our apartments that are available for rental have internet included and rolled into the rental price (come on you guys, it's essential). Mind you when I first came to Paris it was common that apartment owners insisted tenants take out contracts themselves and didn't understand that installing a conection gave them a better product, competitive advantage and they could even increase their rent a bit. Owners who won't toe my party line and install internet these days are dropped from our database, okay, unless their apartment is really hot stuff. It's a super big pain for people without bank accounts to jump through the administrative hoops to get a contract and even worse when they leave Paris and want to get out of it!

An 8 hour torture session last week was the final straw. I was doing a favour for a rather older gentleman and checking in the Bonapart client to his apartment without him being there, he was in Brittanny on holiday. Okay, no worries, I can do the walk thru, inventory and contracts for you...........and the internet connection.........it should be fine, what are the passwords? Okay then.........

It's now finito. I won't deal with internet connections with Wanadoo without danger money. 8 hours later I gave up. I couldn't leave my client sans wifi so we tapped her into an unsecured wireless network in the building.

Can you believe that dealing with internet companies (also but to a lesser extent banks and the electricity company EDF) takes one person a full time job at the moment at Bonapart? I can't afford to bore you with the details but I could just say that ALL the ISPs here in France suck BIGTIME. If I added up the time we've waited on hold for their customer "service" to answer calls I could probably add two years onto my life.

We've often waited for installation visits for two weeks and then found the technician went to the wrong door didn't call us on the cellphone provided and jumped back in his stupid little van and drove off to have a cigarette somewhere or meet his Mistress. Okay, we can wait another two weeks for the re-scheduled visit, no problem, it's not essential or anything................

One of the worst times (okay, Mercury was in retrograde) was having the internet in my office cut off after taking a holiday for a week. Just because when the company, Noos, sees that a connection is not in use they just cut it to save themselves power - I have quite enough anecdotal evidence from others to back up this wild conspiracy theory. No worries, it only took a week to be turned back on and about 8 hours on the phone - a mere 120 euros in phonecalls as of course "helpline" phone numbers are at a premium rate.

When I insulted a member of staff, threatened to call the newspapers and stage a one-woman protest involving vandalising their Bercy office with buckets of white paint, I was finally put thru to a manager and on the 5th day service was returned to normal, 15 minutes after speaking to him - I still remember his name, Laurent Denim. CONNARDS!

I haven't tried Alice but as another entrpreneur told me some horror connection and downtime stories so I won't bother. Neuf have competitive pricing but I am having trouble with them as they won't cut a contract and want to charge 400 euros for a modem sent out in error. Wanadoo, well they're in my opinion the absolute worst. Expensive, badly designed and the crappiest customer "service" I have ever encountered.

Imagine a Kafkafian nightmare, a maze you will never escape from with your mental health intact. Each time finding another operator saying, "Well, what about trying to lift the modem up and enter the 33 numbers on the base with the barcode, that should do it". "No? okay, re-boot the computer and try the sixteen leter password from part two of the guidebook again". Or the best one "Is your husband there, maybe I can speak to him".

I have found something which might preserve my sanity. Ozone is a sort of mast that the company stick on top of your apartment roof and it's free. So you have a free internet connection forever. Apparently it's owned by some very senior politicians and it's basically a spying or phone tapping system but at this stage I couldn't care less about my political principles.

All one needs to do is gain permission from the Syndic (the "management" groups who run the apartment buildings in Paris) to have the mast put up. "Uh oh" I said but I got the answer. Simply send them a registered letter telling them you intend to do this and give them a certain period to object.

This is the master stroke. 99% of the Syndics I know never get off their butts to do anything, return a call or email, send an electrician, pick up a phone or send required documents so of course, they never bother to reply. One case of their inefficiency working out for a change. They have to go to court to stop you from doing it and they will lose apparently, so they never do.

The lazy day's of summer.....

It's absolutely dead in paris this weekend (but I love it), August is a great month to be here and I have too much work to think about going on holiday until Christmas. Tuesday's bank holiday (Assumption) means that 99% of those who hadn't already decamped for the entire month made a break for the coast or country and it was eerily silent on Friday at about 7pm, even my 7-11 grocery was closed and I ended up shopping at La Grande Epicerie (my 7-11 when feeling rich). It was especially deserted instead of stuffed to the gills with the well-heeled denizen's of the 6eme stocking up for a Friday's diner à deux.

I was unsurprised to read that Parisians work the least amount of hours per year compared to other city dwellers. Apart from the ample public holidays, just catching someone at their desk here is a challenge.

You either call at 9.30am and the person is not in until "after 10", and I typically move onto another job and forget to ring back antil it's ten minutes to midday........Can I catch them before lunch?

"Sorry, they've just left for lunch , try again after 2pm Madame".........Forget again and see it's 5.15pm and of course, no point even calling, everyone has gone home.

What about leaving a message? After naively doing this for about a year after coming here I don't even bother now. If I can force the receptionist, assistant or co-worker (yes, force) to even take my name and number, the chances that the person will act on this are less than zero. I've no idea if it's because it's not been passed on or the person can't be bothered. I just don't even waste time leaving my number anymore, believe it or not it's simpler to do the "between breaks jive".

Zipping about in Paris

One of the sites I use every day is RATP (linked on my useful links section). It's invaluable to know the fastest route when sometimes I can have up to 10 seperate appointments in a day. You just type in the address you are leaving from and the place you are going. The site then brings up the quickest and most efficient route, using either bus, metro or RER. Or, you can ask for a route only by bus (air-conditioned) if it's hot weather and you don't want to take the Metro (definitely not air-conditioned).

My bike is back in action but it's not such a great first impression to arrive at a meeting looking as disshevelled as I usually do after pedalling for 30 minutes. The bike lanes are great and the drivers are surprisingly considerate though. I can't stretch to a driver yet and I'm too scared to go by moped, even if they look cool and appeal to my inner Mod.

Despite all this, I had to stop for a dip in the pool at Butte aux Cailles yesterday to cool off in the middle of the day. It must have been all of seven minutes I was in the water but it was enough to refresh me for the next part of the day. Here's a photo of the queue to get in!

D-Day for taxes

Yesterday was the day when the previous year’s tax declaration was due in France (for residents). You can get slapped with a great big tax a year later, unless you sign up for voluntary mensualisation, a monthly prepayment.

You're in charge of your own declaration, you tell them what you’ve earned, they do the calculation and come back to you with what you owe.

Good to know: if you have any questions about the process, just toddle down to your Hôtel des Impôts and the charming officals there will help explain the form and practicallly fill it out for you. I've found that Tax fonctionaires to be some of the most helpful people in French administrative life. How ironic.

Gourmandise

Living in Paris makes it impossible for us to ignore the huge part food plays in the culture of France.  I realised I'd really turned the corner (for better or worse) when one evening I found myself jumping on a bus to buy a baguette from my favourite Boulangerie - but later I realised it was 45 minutes out of my way! Changed days since London - for example, it would be impossible to imagine any French person spending their "lunch-hour" hunched over a PC, a trying to balance a Pret a Manger sandwich, a mouse and a telephone (like I used to in the bad old days).  It took time to adjust to the ryhthm of life here but I've definitely adapted now.  On a really busy day it can be frustrating if the only time I have to make phonecalls is between 12.30 and 2pm (nobody is ever available - sacred-time) but that simply forces me to go and take a break myself and sometimes I need to be reminded to do that.  When I first came here I often requested to schedule meetings at 12.30 or 1pm - people looked at me as if I were nuts. I know better now.

But today, a treat. A client bought me a present of a day with Paule Caillat founder of Promenades Gourmandes.  Paule's cooking school is legendary and she is the most wonderful feisty instructor (classes are small and intimate with only 3 or 4 attendees).  She has a tight timescale to keep to and we start on the dot of 9am at Marché Richard-Lenoir where she steers us round to the best stalls and explains the secrets of finding the best produce. "Check the cartons", she whispers.  "See those over their are plastic and it means this produce comes straight from the farm, those wooden ones are imported" (we are trying to stick to buying the best quality fruit and vegetable which are currently in season).  Next stop a stomach churning in-depth look at some offal, then a poissonerie where we detour from the menu shopping because Paule can't resist the fresh scallops.  After stopping by the boulangerie and the cave (Julien, 50 rue Charlot - for unpretentious advice from the young owners) we are back in the kitchen and set to work.  About three hours later, we are full, satisfied and extremely ready for a nap.  We've just eaten a delicious four-meal which we all helped to prepare and washed down with a thoroughly scrumptious wine. In the meantime we've gained a million and one secret tips, new ideas and insider knowledge of French food, all delivered in Paule's inimitable manner.  We leave with recipes and notes on the best products, where to find them and for me,  good intentions to take my turn a little more often in the kitchen.

Working Maman?

Feeling broody? This will help. 

It's finally happened. The possibility of having kids is on the horizon. And with benefits like these, what better reason? Viva La France! 500 euros a month for three years if you quit work. Not bad, plus benefits get better and better the more you have. Veritable baby-machines get all kinds of things like special transport and holiday discounts.

I'm a business woman through and through but when my first thought was to consult my accountant rather than my boyfriend i did feel a little ashamed. I only wanted to know if the financial incentives would be extended to self-employed people like me or only those employés. We miss out on lot's of things, such as unemployment benefits if our new businesses go down the pan........Tant pis.